Football transfer rumours: Andrea Pirlo to Arsenal?
Andrea Pirlo is on his way to Arsenal. Maybe.
Andrea Pirlo is the new Paul Ince. A picture has emerged of the Juventus midfielder, who is in the last year of his contract, wearing an Arsenal shirt in the Daily Star. Wow wee! What a stunning exclusive! What a … hey, hang on a minute. What's this?
"Before Gunners fans get as excited as they were eight years ago when they last won a trophy, it's only a Starsport impression!" the article reads. "Our artists have knocked up this beauty to show how the midfield magician would look in an Arsenal strip."
Oh, you crafty, wacky so-and-sos. Tomorrow: an artist's impression of an aardvark in a Crystal Palace kit, a pigeon with the* hair of Marouane Fellaini and a picture of a duck water-skiing, with an accompanying 1,000-word background feature on the duck. Pirlo is wanted byManchester United and Chelsea, mind you.
United are still planning to spend big, but only when the time is right, namely when the transfer window opens in January. Leighton Baines,Lars Bender and Ander Herrera all remain on the agenda and so does Martin Hinteregger,according to none other than Martin Hinteregger.
"There is interest from Manchester United and a top Italian club," boasted the Red Bull Salzburg defender. "It is a big honour, I would not have expected something like this so fast." Like what? The speed with which you, Martin Hinteregger, have linked yourself, Martin Hinteregger, with a move to the English champions and an unspecified team in Italy? Presumably Martin Hinteregger will also be putting in the offer for Martin Hinteregger, before contract talks begin between Martin Hinteregger and Martin Hinteregger. The medical could be a bit iffy.
Now it has been fully established that Ross Barkley is the future of football, it is only inevitable that the Everton midfielder should be linked with a move away from Goodison Park, though why United would think he would want to join a club in a relegation battle is beyond the Mill.Chelsea also want to ruin Barkley's career if given half the chance.
It all explains why Roberto Martínez is busy sweet-talking Barkley, calling him "the diamond of English football". Why, though, Martínez thinks it is a compliment to compare Barkley to a midfield formation is unclear. A one-track mind.
Blackburn and Wolves want to sign Patrick Antelmi, an Australian striker. But Charlton are the frontrunners and have the 19-year-old on trial, even though he didn't commit a crime.
Valencia will allow Adil Rami, who's been in a rebellious sort of mood of late, to leave on loan in January now it has been established that no one wants to part with any moolah for him. Arsenal, Manchester City,Manchester United. Nothing changes.
And finally, Fulham, Norwich and West Ham are sniffing about theMalmo midfielder Jiloan Hamad, with the 22-year-old potentially available on a free transfer from January. "He is one of the best Bosman signings around," trumpeted Ferhat Cifci, who just so happens to be Hamad's agent. You know, readers, we might be getting to the bottom of the Mill's trust issues.